What's the best advice on caregiving you've received?

I was thinking about caregiving yesterday afternoon after Mama returned from a few days at my aunt's house (her older sister--Mama is 84 and her sister is 89--they're quite a pair!). Mama was sitting at the table working on a project and just full of chatter about the things she'd been doing the last couple of days. I was reminded of the best advice I'd ever received about caregiving, which came from a beloved, long-time friend named Marlene, whose mother lived with her for about ten years. Marlene's mother died a little over a year ago at the ripe old age of 91, but she'd had progressive Alzheimer's for the last few years. The final two years were very difficult as the disease pretty much stole her mom away, but she continued to live with Marlene and her busy family. It was a typical sandwich-generation caregiving situation.

Marlene's main regret after her mom passed away was that on those busy, busy family days, she had not taken the time to listen to her mom's daily chatter about whatever had been on her mom's mind. As happens to many older folks, the conversation becomes very familiar, with stories being told over and over again, sometimes daily, sometimes hourly if they have some sort of dementia. Marlene felt bad that she would become weary of the repeated stories, and would sometimes change the subject so as to move on with whatever was pressing at the moment. She shared with me one day after her mom had died that she wished she had taken the time to let her mom just talk about whatever was on her mind for at least some time each day, even if it was just half an hour or so, and that she would have listened. It wasn't that she had to listen to know the story, since she could recite whatever it was by memory. It was that her mom needed to talk and have someone hear her.

I've thought about that many times since, and as Mama chattered away yesterday, instead of pushing on to do the chores that seemed pressing at the time, I stopped and chatted back. I try to do that every day, just so Mama feels like she matters and her stories matter. I can recite the stories by memory, too, but I've learned that that's not the point. It's the listening and relationship that matter to the person who's wanting to talk.

What is the best caregiving advice someone has shared with you?

Blessings,Joan
Caregiver at Home

My Other Mom

My mom-in-law, whom I call Mom (she's my dear "other Mom") has had a series of TIAs (transient ischemic attacks) in the last month. It's sad and troublesome news, and requires some changes in our family. Mama lives with my husband and me, and Mom lives about four hours away. My sis-in-law is moving back to Mom's area to help take care of her. We're hoping that Mom will be able to manage on her own sufficiently well that no other changes have to take place. She lives in a great place and we don't want to move her. Mom doesn't respond well to changes, so moving would exacerbate an already difficult situation. Also, Mom is having severe problems with one eye, and that's causing sight problems which add to her worry and tension.

Old age is not for sissies. That saying seems to prove more and more true as I grow older and our parents continue to age.

God gives us the grace to walk each part of this path, but I wish our moms didn't have so many struggles. It's hard to see them not be independent and capable any longer. It's hard for them to be in these situations, much less hard for anyone else to watch.

Good reasons to take care of ourselves. One thing I continually try to do is keep my own stressors at a minimum. Some days I don't have a lot of say-so when the troubles come tumbling our way, but I do try to keep certain standards in my busy day/life to help me respond well.

One standard is to get enough rest. Some days that's more sleep; other days the rest has to wait. But I try to sit down and read, nap briefly, or at least close my eyes and breathe deeply. That helps me much more than it sounds like it would. I've discovered that slow, deep breaths are very helpful in my battle with tiredness, stress, or tension.

Another standard is to try to eat well. I try to get enough fruits and vegetables daily; preferably fresh. I try to incorporate whole grains into our diet, and leaner meats.

These are a couple of things I do.

How about you? What are your best tools for destressing or getting extra rest?

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Family Caregiving

I read several caregiving blogs because I am encouraged by them and I also learn a lot of new ideas I can use to help Mama. Mama is still in pretty good health overall, and right now our primary level of care concerns mostly making sure she's secure, eats well, and has whatever daily help she needs. That may be in the form of reading a business letter she's not quite able to understand, taking her to a doctor's appointment, opening a jar, or noticing changes that affect her in some way. It's just an all-encompassing umbrella of care, and it's like a plate of spaghetti--it winds in and around all aspects of our lives. If you grab a single piece of spaghetti, you don't know where exactly it'll wind up.

After living with Mama for three years and having taken care of Daddy during the last months of his life, there's just a sense that develops for what's happening due to normal aging, and what's different. When we begin to notice ever-so-slight changes in our loved-one's ability to comprehend and understand events around them, we pay attention. The changes may be miniscule and just a signal of things brewing, or they may be a little more severe and mark an immediate change that's needed. It has taken me time to learn this, but caregiving in our home has become just a gentle ebb and flow of daily life that includes watching and assessing quietly, without being obtrusive or frightening our loved one. It takes a lot of thought and tact, which I continually work on (the tact part).

I say all this for two reasons. One is that if I'm not thoughtful and tactful, I can end up in the woodshed because I inadvertently offend my very independent mom ("Mama, you need some help with such-and-such because I noticed..." versus a gentle "Mama, is there anything you need me to do today?") I have to guide the conversation to the subject requiring discussion, but I have to make sure I show Mama I'm not trying to treat her like a kid--otherwise, it's definitely the woodshed for this kid!

The second reason is that my mom-in-law has just experienced a series of TIA's and my dear sis-in-law is stepping in to help her mom. Some of the things my husband and I see with his mom, we have already seen with my father, who had a similar circumstance in his last year. The experiences we've been through help us notice what's "normal" because of aging or reaction to illness, and what's truly a new, ongoing problem brought on by those illnesses. My heart hurts to see my mom-in-law go through this, because Daddy's struggles are still fresh in my mind. Seeing an elderly loved one struggle with new and frustrating limitations is hard, and I wish none of us had to experience it.

If you do end up with caregiving responsibilities, I encourage you to read and connect with others who are in your shoes. It just helps to know others understand, and truly those who have walked in the same shoes, or still are, can share with you their ideas for help. Sometimes just receiving their comfort, or giving yours, is all that is needed. Empathy helps tremendously. Plug in somewhere, either through a group in your community or an online group. I've done both, and both are effective for alleviating feelings of caregiver burnout. Be good to yourself as you take care of someone else.

One blog I read regularly is:
http://eldercareabcblog.com/the-family-caregiver-parenting-your-parent-or-spouse/

I hope it encourages you, too.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home

What's new?

Today is October first, and I always feel rejuvenated when the Autumn weather arrives. Art and I love the cooler days and nights, and we look forward to building our first fire. Last night I made a big pot of chili to herald the change to cooler weather--at last!!

We continue to do well. Art, Mama, and I not only continue to live together and work in the garden, but we keep our little bundle-of-energy granddaughter, Ridleigh, every Monday. So life has gotten busier and sweeter as we run to keep up with a non-stop, independent almost-three-year-old. We have enjoyed a lot of laughter this summer as we introduce Ridleigh each week to chicken antics, yard kitties, fresh growing fruits, vegetables, flowers, and wildlife. We had several good-sized deer wandering through the yard this past Monday, nibbling at this and that. Ridleigh was mesmerized as she watched out the window and learned more about Bambi.

Our container gardening continues, though my Topsy-Turvy tomatoes didn't do very well this year. I learned a lot about what to do next spring, though, and plan to use those containers again. Mama has been thrilled with a potted hibiscus that blooms almost every day--it's too cold in this area to plant hibiscus, and we've been told we need to just keep them in pots and move them in during the winter. So that's working well.

Our banana trees have two huge pods which are loaded with small fruit. We can't wait to sample the bananas, and Art knows he's been tasked to make a lot of banana pudding if all of these ripen. I'm guessing that the chickens will end up with their fair share, because I don't see how we can eat them all. There must be a hundred bananas on those two pods. Wow!

How are you doing? Let me know what's new in your life, and if you've begun caregiving, please shoot me an email. I'd love to connect with you.

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Gardening is good for what ails you

Well, the raised garden plan is really working wonders for Mama. She is puttering out in the yard every day and enjoying the little plants that are already growing. We had put in some tomatoes, squash, cukes, and various peppers a month or so ago and the last frost hit them pretty hard. Everything is coming back pretty well and I don't think we'll have to pull those plants up and replace them. We had our first cherry tomato, a tiny little thumb-nail sized one, but it froze. We have new blossoms, though, so everything appears to be fine.

Last year we also planted some new crape myrtles and roses that we dug up from Mama's sister's yard. The roses are already blooming and bring great memories of my aunt, with whom Mama is very close. We will all enjoy the beautiful summer showing of those rose bushes. I also particularly love how crape myrtles bloom all summer and into the fall. They require no real care once they get started, but they just bloom and bloom for months. I put three right in front of Mama's bedroom windows so she can enjoy the colorful flowers this summer and beautiful leaf color in the autumn.

I've also hung many seed feeders and hummingbird feeders for the myriad birds we have here. The fat squirrels are a joy to watch, as are the doves and all of the finches and cardinals that flock in every morning and evening. We spot many hummingbirds every day, and I've realized how much Mama enjoys the wildlife. We take our bird book and try to identify all of the birds we see.

It's all fun, good exercise, and good for Mama's spirits. Our home is truly a God-given serendipity. I am so thankful we are here and that Mama can enjoy these days.

If you are gardening and have some suggestions, or if you have some good thoughts about how to attract bird, please tell me about them. I love to learn new things, and Mama benefits from the experience, too.

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Caring for the Caregiver - You!

Mom was telling me this morning of a woman who was over 100 years old and being cared for by her very senior-aged daughter. I was reminded of the need for caregivers to take care of themselves because caring can take years. It can be a marathon, and we need to be good to ourselves so we can be there to help our loved ones.

One area I really have to pay attention to is weight, because it's a fight for me to maintain a healthy weight and feel good. I need energy each day but have a slow metabolism that doesn't like breakfast and holds onto every calorie I consume. Usually I find those calories packed neatly around my waist and hips and it's extremely difficult to unpack them!

I've been talking with a friend about different diet plans we've used or are thinking of. I've tried a number of diets over the years and I confess that's a four-letter word for me. I think of 'hungry' when I consider the word 'diet' so I tend to avoid it like the plague.

I learned a few years ago that small steps can make a big difference. I've said that in this blog before, and I know that it's true. I've applied that principle to many areas of my life and have had good or even great results. Here are some things I shared with my friend that I do to help get myself back into a healthier shape, both physically and mentally.

1) I have to keep it simple or I get overwhelmed. One thing that is really helping me is just incorporating one change at the time and letting it become 'normal' before I do something else. The first thing I did was stop drinking all sodas (diet or regular) because of the sugar and chemicals, and I also stopped drinking sweetened tea. My sis-in-law had great success with this and I was encouraged to try her idea, too. It was hard for me in the beginning because I enjoyed the taste of sweet tea (I am a Southern girl, after all!) and I didn't love plain water's flavor, which is what I began drinking instead. However--and this was so wonderful to me--I began losing weight without doing anything else different.

Also, I was more energized and didn't feel those dizzying highs-and-lows with my blood sugar. I'm not diabetic but it runs in my family, so I am trying to change habits while I'm 50-ish before diabetes becomes a real issue for me.

2) The second thing I did was to begin eating a good breakfast. That was hard for me because my metabolism is slow like my father's (Mama's is revved up and screaming for food 24x7, although she's just a little bitty thing). I don't love to eat early in the morning, however I found that even a bowl of good cereal and a slice of whole grain toast with honey and cinnamon or just-fruit types of jam on it helps my metabolism. I feel the change that's occurring after a few months of this. My body feels more energized early in the morning and I have lost that sluggish, fuzzy feeling I used to wake up with.

Soooo...baby steps, baby steps, give myself time to undo the harm that has been done carelessly or unknowingly over the years.

Since eliminating sweet tea and sodas I can taste sugar better, so a little goes a very long way. My hunger for sweets is almost non-existent compared to what it used to be. When I do indulge, it's for something less sweet than what I enjoyed before. Rich, sweet desserts are cloying to me now, which is totally new for me. I'm glad, because I wasn't trying to change any of that. I just started by eliminating tea/sodas and adding water to my diet.

3) Finally, I've begun making choices to move more. I get out and walk the property, park farther from the front of the stores so I have to walk extra steps, and so on. You won't ever find me at a gym because I don't enjoy that whole routine (kudos for those of you who do, though), but I'm more conscious of taking those 10,000 steps I read about for daily health. My work is sedentary (transcription, writing, editing at the computer hours each day) so I have to offset that with deliberate action. That's the step I'm on right now.

And the best part is I've dropped more than 30 pounds this past year, so I know it's working.

If you're doing something to help take care of yourself, please post it here. We can learn from you and we will definitely encourage you and cheer you on! And remember not to beat yourself up on days you don't achieve your diet goals, or any goal for that matter.

Don't look back - remember that the rearview mirror is tiny compared to the windshield. We need to look forward all the time and only occasionally glance backwards. Focus forward and encourage yourself with what you did right today.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.caregiverencouragement.com/

Elder Care Legal Planning

I received an article about elder care legal planning in my email a couple of days ago, and I thought it had some good points to consider. I wanted to share it here with you.

http://eldercareabcblog.com/you-may-be-left-out-of-legal-planning/

One of the things we've bumped into is keeping Mama's affairs separate, but making sure I can handle them if Mama becomes unable to. For instance, if you have a parent who owns a house in their name, what do you do if they become ill enough so that they can't manage the property anymore? We're making sure we've dotted all our i's and crossed all our t's (hopefully) and will be calling on a local attorney to help Mama get things set up. It's nothing anyone really wants to think about or spend time or money doing, but since Mama's almost 84, we'd be wise to plan ahead.

Hope this helps you, too. Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in this area. We can all benefit from knowing what might lie ahead.

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Mom's Moving In?

Here's an excellent article from Aging.com. It's called "Mom's Moving In? How to Adapt Your Home for Your Live-In Loved One."

If you're in the beginning of the caregiver process, this article has a lot of very useful preparation ideas. I hope it will help you.

http://www.agingcare.com/Featured-Stories/123288/Mom-s-Moving-In-How-to-Adapt-Your-Home-for-Your-Live-In-Loved-One.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_term=March+19%2c+2008&utm_campaign=Newsletter%2B-%2BMarch+19%2c+2008

If you're considering having a loved one move in with you, or you are already doing so, tell me how it's going. There are many adjustments. What are some of yours and your loved one's?
Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Site for raised garden beds

A friend sent me this link for raised garden beds and I wanted to share it. These planter boxes can be put together without tools and the photos will give you some great ideas for planting.

http://naturalyards.com/raisedbeds/

This same friend's husband is building her a tall raised garden bed so she won't have to bend low to plant and maintain it. That is also perfect for my mom, who has more trouble bending over for long periods of time these days. After she fell and hurt her back last year, she's not able to use the garden tools like she once did.

I can't wait to see photos of this tall, raised garden when it's finished. This is a good solution for Mom's garden, too.

If you have any suggestions for raised beds, please share them with me!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Why I do this...

A dear friend of mine works part-time at a grocery store as a cashier, and recently a woman came through my friend's line who has just begun taking care of her mom. The woman was overwhelmed with all of the newness and details of the situation, as I remember being when I began this journey a few years ago. My cashier friend shared a little about my story with this woman and encouraged her to email me to talk and get some support. The woman wrote down her email address so I could get in touch and I sent her a note the next day. I hope she emails me back and lets me know how she's doing.

Another friend of mine has just begun caring for her mom this past year. She moved her mom into her home and now is learning how to take care of a parent with Parkinson's. Sometimes it just helps to look someone in the face and hear them tell you how they're doing because their words mirror your experience. You know you're not alone and that's really, really important. My friend struggles with some of the exact same feelings and situations that I do. She gets it, and sometimes we hug each other and don't even have to say a word. There's just a connection because our lives are on similiar paths.

My story in a (sort-of) nutshell: I became the caregiver for my mom about 2 1/2 years ago. I'm an only child and was born and raised in central Florida to great parents. Daddy and Mama were married 55 years when Daddy passed away in 2005. They were originally from north Florida/south Georgia, and all our extended family was up there. My husband, parents, and I were the only part of our family that lived in central Florida when my father became ill.

My father developed Parkinson's and then dementia (a related problem with many Parkinson's patients), and he became violent toward my mother, whom he adored. Mama didn't know what to do and I became the main decision-maker for Daddy's care until his death. Dad had to be put into a nursing home just for Mama's safety, so we had a lot of anger issues to deal with, along with a lot of inappropriate behavior. I was completely overwhelmed when all this began in early 2005, and that's when I found out how much being part of a support group of some kind could help me. Knowing my feelings weren't unusual and knowing lots of people were "out there" going through the same things helped me tremendously. I can share my thoughts/feelings and know those other caregivers understand, even if non-caregivers can't.

I began blogging after my father died and we moved Mama in with us. My mom is almost 84 and has osteoporosis and the beginnings of dementia. I tried to let her live in her own home but she really is not able to take care of herself, though she believes she can. She's a tough combination of sweet, stubborn, and independent. She became ill and ended up breaking an arm one morning when she became dizzy and fell. She had just assured me on the phone that she was "fine," but I learned later that she was actually quite dehydrated and was getting much worse. She just didn't understand what was happening to her because she's always been blessed with very good health.

Having Mama live with my husband and me is a true challenge and some days it's good and some days it's not so great. It took us about 18 months to get a comfortable pattern established. Blogging helps me not only reach out to others, but hopefully to encourage, add some humor to someone's day, and also to examine my own feelings and hopefully understand why I'm feeling whatever I am. Not many of us are equipped to become caregivers to our parents, so this is an understanding my husband and I have had to acquire, and the process is bumpy sometimes. At other times, it's just plain stressful, particularly in the beginning months.

I'm also mom to a wonderful nurse (daughter age 22), grandma to her 2-year-old sweetie, and mom to a 20-year-old Marine who is deployed to Afghanistan. I specialize in what I call "Marine Mom hugs," because when we're up at the base (Lejeune in NC) for our son's homecomings or deployments, all of the moms are bear-hugging all of the young Marines around us because often their own families aren't there for various reasons. So we try to show these young men how much we appreciate and honor them, and we hug them when their own moms can't and know that someone else will hug ours when we're not there.

I'm glad I can do this for my mom and I've always known I'd take care of my parents eventually. As an only child from a close-knit family, it was inevitable. I'm glad my folks lived into their eighties on their own and had a rich, long life together. But someone commented here recently that there's a significant difference between helping your elderly parent and helping your children. They pointed out that with our children, we teach them and look forward to them learning and developing skills so that they eventually become independent. It's a joy to watch children grow and mature. With our elderly parents, however, illness and time steals away their long-held independence and they become less and less able to take care of themselves. It's a reverse process, and it can be sad and overwhelming, particularly if you're responsible to help care for that parent.

If you're in this situation, or about to be, you're the person I really want to try to encourage. If I could see you face to face, I'd say "Hello," give you a big hug, and let you know I'm here if you'd like to talk about things now or later on. This is the kind of journey that goes better with friends to help you cope, or laugh, or sort things out, or pass the tissues when you cry along the way. I have friends who do the same for me. If I can help ease your situation at all, even for a moment, then that's my heart's desire.

If you're just beginning your caregiving journey or you've been at it a while, please post here and let us know how you're doing. What works for you? What's not working? How are you coping? If you have some thoughts and suggestions to share, then someone else will be encouraged and helped by reading them. I know this is an ongoing learning process. My mom is in pretty good shape for the time being and her older sisters are still doing well. They're almost 89 and almost 99, so we expect to have mom with us for a long time.

This isn't a sprint--it's a marathon. Taking care of my own stress levels is really critical for my own health, my husband's sake, and our family's well-being. I'd like to not only be a healthy, happy daughter for a long time, but I'd like to be a healthy, happy wife, mom, and grandmom, too.

I believe we can do these things successfully, but it takes work and information and support. "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken," according to Ecclesiastes 4:12. We might not have time (or proximity) to meet for coffee in real life, but we can encourage one another here. And I can keep you in my prayers, too. I continually ask God for strength and wisdom to do the task He's given, so that I can honor and care for Mama plus take care of my family and myself. But some days take a lot more prayer. :-D

Write me when you can. I'd love to hear how you're doing.

Blessings, and Marine Mom hugs,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

A PBS special: Caring for Your Parents

I wanted to share information about a caregiver special that was aired on PBS April 2, 2008. The special is titled "Caring for Your Parents." Click here for more information:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/caringforyourparents/

I didn't get to watch the original program, but PBS makes this available to watch online in short chapters. It is the story of several families with several different situations and is very well done so far. To watch this online, just click the white "Watch Online" letters in the center of the page. You can also buy the video or order the transcript if you'd prefer. It plays well on my computer, so that's easiest for me.

Join me; let's watch and learn more. Hopefully the special will provide some excellent information for the Baby Boomers who are taking care of their aging parents. I hope you are encouraged and find some good help here.

Blessings!
Joan

A simple recipe

I wanted to share a favorite crock pot chicken recipe that's simple and quick. As wife, mom, grandma, and caregiver in our currently-four-generation household, I'm always looking for great, quick, delicious, nutritious meals to prepare. Right now our supper table consists of an almost-84-year-old to a 27-month-old, and the two generations in between. Lots of palates to please! This chicken recipe definitely works for all of us, and I hope you enjoy it, too.

Crock Pot Chicken
Add chicken parts (whatever you like)
1 chopped onion
3-4 stalks chopped celery
salt and pepper to taste
1 minced garlic clove (or more to taste)
1 tsp. curry powder
1 tsp. dried parsley (or chop fresh if you have it)
Cook on low for several hours until tender and serve with brown rice.

Yum!!!!!!!! This smells so aromatic and enticing. It's flavorful without being hot (use more curry if you want a hot version). You could also sprinkle toasted or chopped almonds on top for a little crunchy interest. Add a salad or a hot vegetable and bread and you have a wonderful meal.

This is easy for an on-the-go day. You can start the crock pot early in the morning and enjoy a hot supper at the end of the day.

This is an old standby of mine that never fails to please. When Mama's mouth was so sore after having a lot of dental work done, I cooked this and she was able to eat and enjoy it. Mom's an old-style country cook who always prepared amazing food, but I do all the cooking now. When she smacks her lips and tells me how much she enjoyed something I've prepared, it warms my heart.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

New article on Caring for Parents

I received AgingCare.com's e-newsletter and wanted to share one of the articles with you. The title is "Caring for Parents Versus Caring for Children: 10 Ways They Differ."

It has good information for the sandwich generation about some of our main caregiving issues, including emotions, logistics, intellect, the aging process, financial issues, siblings, work issues, and more.

Click this link to read the article: http://www.agingcare.com/Featured-Stories/120215/Caring-for-Parents-Versus-Caring-for-Children-10-Ways-They-Differ.htm?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=Email&utm_term=March+12%2c+2008&utm_campaign=Newsletter%2B-%2BMarch+12%2c+2008

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Helpful gardening site

Someone shared a great gardening site with me and I wanted to post it here. It's called ArcaMax and I like it for several reasons. They offer an alphabetized list of plants you can search on, along with the standard search box, so if you want to look up something particular and you can't quite remember the name, then click on the letter tab (for instance, "B" for bird of paradise) and scroll down through all the plants listed. It's a pretty comprehensive list and I was glad to find what I needed about replanting Mama's bird of paradise.

Also, there is a free newsletter you can sign up for. ArcaMax will send tips to you regularly. I received one today with tips for planting asparagus, which I printed for Mom to use. We have several asparagus plants that need to be moved, so this gives us a good idea where to place them.

ArcaMax is an unlikely name, but it's a great tool. Enjoy! http://www.arcamax.com/gardening/

In the meantime, the potted spinach and lettuce plants are thriving! We'll have fresh salad tonight with the crockpot chicken I have cooking right now. Yum--fresh and pesticide free lettuce and spinach. How easy is that?

Mom's outside right now working in her garden. It's good exercise in fresh air, and just about all an 83-year-old can handle. She loves it and putters there several times a day. Mom's a nurturer at heart; now that the kids are all grown the garden is her new 'baby.' The young plants are all responding well to her good care, weeds are non-existent for now, and she's enjoying her hobby. I'm glad it's working out.

How are you doing? What helps you or your loved one while you're busy caring for them? I'd love to hear from you, so write back! :-D

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

What about broken teeth?

Well, for all of the things a senior citizen has to think about, one thing that no one expects is to have their teeth begin to break! Mama has had two break in the last year. Thankfully we could get into the dentist right away so she could get fitted for crowns. She had at least four broken teeth within 14 months or so. Is there anything I can do to help slow this down? Mama is almost 84 and has also broken both arms in the past two years (she broke them both within a four-month period). She cracked some vertebrae when she fell the first time; the doc told us she has osteo. No surprise there.

We considered Boniva to help strengthen her bones and hopefully her teeth as well, and her doctor really wants her to get started with that; however we understand that a side effect is heart trouble. So we'll pass on that particular solution.

Is it too late to strengthen teeth when someone is eighty-something? Mama's sense of smell is gone, but this petite little high-metabolism granny loves her chow! She would hate thickeners and purees and I hope not to ever have to go there.

In the meantime, Mama cuts all her food in very small pieces and manages okay. She just can't bite into things anymore and she can only chew on one side. I'm grateful for that and hope it doesn't worsen. In the meantime, I make a huge pot of vegetable beef soup that has everything yummy in it and Mama loves it. I freeze it in small batches and it's a ready meal, anytime, plus there aren't any teeth issues eating a rich, vitamin-packed soup!

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

The raised garden is in!

Well, we succeeded in building four raised garden beds and it was a fun project that Art, Mama, and I all worked on together. We took most of the day building the boxes, mixing and stirring and leveling the soil (we used 2 bags of black cow compost, 2 bags of vegetable soil, and one bag of peat per 8’x2’ foot box).

We have more plants than we have room in our boxes, so we plan to build more containers soon. Right now we have several large, black nursery-type plant pots with the extra lettuce, cucumber, and tomato plants started. We’ll see which does best and adjust accordingly. I also began an herb garden in small window boxes so I can enjoy rosemary, thyme, basil, chives, and cilantro, and marjoram.

I decided to put some of the extra lettuce plants into individual clay pots to see how they would fare in the kitchen. It gets them away from the deer! Mama thinks having the lettuce in pots indoors is pretty neat. She's enjoying our experiment and is having fun puttering around the new plants. She invited some family over to see our garden project and she seems pretty excited that we have built something simpler for her to maintain. She commented on how much easier it would be this year.

So we’re off to the races—and just in time, as it’s supposed to rain!

Has anyone tried aeroponic gardening? I'd love to learn more. Share your ideas with me if you have a minute.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Raised garden beds

Well, after looking at several types of containers, Art and I decided to revisit something we've done in the past that works great. We built raised garden beds at our old house in central Florida and really liked how simple they were to maintain. Plus they're higher up and easier for Mama to reach down and tend to. Bending over or stooping to weed or plant is something she can't easily do anymore.

Raised beds also help with another problem. My mom is a primitive farmer--she just digs a hole, sticks things in, and they grow--but unfortunately, she doesn't tell anyone that the little 1-2" thing sticking out of the ground shouldn't be mowed. I get into all kinds of trouble without intending to! My dad had the same problem when he did the yard work. :-) So the raised beds keep all the plants in one place and the mowing accidents are a thing of the past. It keeps Art and me out of the dog house!

So we've built some raised beds, and here's how we make ours. You can use 2"x8' boards, or 2"x10' if you want a bit higher garden spot. If you use 2" thick boards they won't bow with the heat and cold. The 1" boards are cheaper but they bow like crazy after awhile.

Build a rectangle of whatever length and width you want. Since the boards come in even lengths of 6' or 8' or 10' (we can't lift the 12 footers, but they're available if you can!), we usually do 8 feet long. You will use 4 boards; 2 long ones for sides and 2 shorter ones for ends. Nail the board ends together in an open rectangle and situate it on the ground in the spot you desire. No bottom is needed, just sides.

Then dump in a package each of composted cow manure, peat, and several of gardening soil or topsoil or whatever planting soil you like best. 'Stir' it with your hoe or shovel and level it. Then plant and water with some Miracle Gro or Peter's Special, whatever you like. If you mulch the top you'll have fewer weeds--they eventually show up because of seeds in the soil and birds dropping presents, but the raised bed is a cinch to weed compared to a regular garden plot.We usually do 2"x8'x8' beds that are 24" wide. Plenty of room for several plants. We use one for a raised asparagus bed and that works great. You can make wider beds if you want. We've done 36" and 48", too. It depends on how much you want to reach to the middle and what you plan to grow there. You could grow sweet pototoes or white potatoes in a 48" wide bed and it would be beautiful and roomy enough for a good crop. Same thing with carrots.

You can build as many of these as you want and place them parallel in a good, sunny spot in your yard. Just make sure you leave plenty of room between them for walking and pushing a wheelbarrow. You can dedicate one bed to tomatoes, one to salad veggies, one to carrots, one to herbs--just use your imagination and enjoy this fun way to de-stress!

We lined our beds up against the patio so that Mama can stay on the level concrete and still reach the plants. Since she has less strength in her arms after her broken bones a couple of years ago, it's just easier for her to be close to the house where she can rest whenever she gets a little weary. We also thought it wise not to position our garden beds out in the yard where the ground is not level, so Mama won't have to worry about her balance. The roof edge is right above the beds and we have gutters to keep the water from washing the plants away. If you don't have gutters that's fine; the dripline from morning dew will fall right into the beds and help you water. I always try to plant wherever the dripline is, but this particular spot gets a LOT of runoff and the plants were deluged in the big Florida thunderstorms we get all summer long.

If you use the dripline to help water it makes a big difference for maintenance, because there's water every day, at least in humid areas.If you try any of this, let me know how it turns out!

Gardening is a great hobby for both caregivers and their loved ones, and the healthy produce is a wonderful bonus.

Blessings,
Joan

http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Container gardening to boost elderly nutrition

One thing I plan to do this year is learn how to grow vegetables in containers. I'm interested for two reasons:

1) Mom will benefit from eating fresh produce, plus she loves to garden but can't tackle weeding, and
2) I'm interested in providing pesticide-free produce for our table.

When I think of gardening, I automatically begin thinking about fresh tomatoes. If you’re from the South, you probably have eaten tomato sandwiches or you have at least heard of them. Well, at least I used to eat them, back when tomatoes tasted like tomatoes instead of like today’s mass-produced, cardboard-flavored version. Other than being colorful, tomatoes don’t have any resemblance to the ones I remember when I was growing up. Today's are flavorless! The ones we ate when I was growing up came out of my aunts' and grandparents' gardens and the flavor was nothing like those I find at today's grocery store.

Many a summertime lunch or supper consisted of a tomato sandwich and a glass of iced tea. I rarely drink the sweet tea these days, but I surely do miss a sandwich made of ripe tomatoes with a little mayo and sprinkled with salt and pepper. My husband’s favorite sandwich is a BLT (bacon, lettuce, tomato), and when I can find home-grown, fresh tomatoes I will serve BLTs for a couple of days because they’re such a treat.

I know that probably sounds goofy, but there you have it. Some favorites just never grow old.

Now I end up buying cherry tomatoes instead of the larger ones because at least the small ones have been vine-ripened. They taste good, but I don't like the pesticides used to grow them. Therefore, I decided to begin my container gardening adventure by planting tomatoes.

Since it’s March, it’s time to plant here in North Florida. This morning I hit the jackpot for information about growing fresh, vine-ripened tomatoes indoors in my own containers. This article was written by a cooperative extension agent and has great suggestions. I can’t wait to get started! I plan to try both cherry tomatoes and the regular big ones; I’ll try some indoors and some outside and let you know how they do.

http://www.coopext.colostate.edu/4DMG/VegFruit/tomatind.htm

If you have some suggestions for growing tomatoes in containers, please share with us!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Respite care

I found some information today about respite care and categories of caregiving. If you are caring for a loved one, some of the things you do regularly fall into those categories.

Normal caregiving includes varying degrees of some--or all--of these areas: providing companionship; perhaps helping with finances or mail or other desk work; housekeeping; helping with bathing or perhaps doing the bathing; checking the freshness of your loved one’s food in the pantry and in the fridge; keeping up with appointments on the calendar; chauffeuring; taking your loved one to the doctor or to church or shopping; doing errands with your loved one (or for them if they can’t get out); helping keep track of medications or administering meds; washing/setting hair (or perhaps hair cutting); taking over the heavy chores like garbage or vacuuming or sweeping or lawn care, and cooking and keeping track of dietary requirements. And so on and so on.

In other words, you do a lot!!

If you need help getting some of these things done, then consider asking for respite care. Some organizations will provide you with help at no charge, depending on the status of your loved one. Some organizations will come in and help you for a small fee.

Make sure you find someone who is licensed, bonded, and has had a background check so you can protect yourself and your loved one, but by all means try to get some help.

Sometimes a family member, neighbor, or friend might be able to come in weekly or monthly so you can get out for errands or some “me” time. Your local church or civic organization might have a good source for help, so be sure to ask.

If you already know of some good ideas or sources for respite care, please share them with us. Someone may really need your help!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Fresh produce!

Hey there,

Since my Mom loves to garden and has an awesome green thumb, I pay attention to what produce is in season. Last summer we enjoyed bountiful fresh corn, okra, tomatoes, greens, eggplant, bell peppers, and much more from Mama's garden. It was all organic and delicious. We would have had peas, too, but the deer got there first! I teased Mom that her garden was “deer salad.” They really love everything she grows, too.

Since Mama broke both arms a couple of years ago, she can't garden like she used to, so we have begun doing container gardening. That will eliminate the large weeding tasks that come with a big garden plot. Maybe the deer won’t be so bold, either, since the containers will be nearer the house. We’ll see!

I grew up in central Florida with many citrus trees right in our yard, and later on I lived near the awesome strawberry fields of Plant City. We picked fresh oranges and grapefruit right from our back yard and enjoyed them every winter morning when I was a kid. And there is nothing that smells more enticing than a huge field of ripe, red strawberries. After the main harvest we could pick them for ourselves in the u-pick fields, and we paid just 25 cents a quart. Every berry was perfect and I'd put a hundred quarts in the freezer so we could enjoy them all year long.

I also learned about fresh produce from my grandmother, my father's mother, who lived in South Georgia. She always shopped at her local farmers’ market for what was currently in season; they had fresh peas, okra, corn, melons, berries, and all kinds of goodies. My grandmother believed that what was ready to eat from the garden or orchard or grove was what your body needed during that season. For instance, in the winter months when we're indoors and there's less sunshine, the fresh citrus and strawberries that we eat supplies our need for vitamin C; in the summer months the fresh fruits like cantaloupe and watermelon provide much-needed potassium, and so on.

Nothing tasted so good as those fresh fruits and veggies, and I didn't realize that until I was grown and had to buy produce shipped from far away. Nothing tastes the same because it’s picked long before it’s mature so it will survive the shipping and handling process. I realized I needed to go back to my mom’s and grandmother's way of shopping by looking for what was in season and grown locally.

I began looking for fresh, locally-grown produce. However, I wasn’t sure what was supposed to be in season because in today’s grocery stores you can get basically anything during any month.

So...I started looking for sites that provide information about what's available in my area right now. I found one website where you can specify your state and the season:
http://www.nrdc.org/health/foodmiles/?gclid=CKDq9quY2JECFUZzOAodVUReOg

Just click on that link, see what’s locally fresh, then make your grocery list. Try to find local produce in your grocery store so that you can benefit from the quality and flavor. If you're cooking for yourself or for a loved one, this will help you boost and maximize the nutrition you serve up! Plus, it just tastes wonderful!

(I'm not associated with the site. I just found it this morning, thought it was a good tool, and wanted to share it with you.)

Let me know what you think about this, and if you have other resources like it. If you do, please share with us!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

True happiness

Here's a great quote that a friend, Pam Clark of Stepping Through Grief, sent to me this morning. I thought it was a good encouragement for handling the stresses and realities of being at home and caring for someone.

Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. ~ Og Mandino

Thanks, Pam!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

People who make a difference

Here's a great little article that underscores the importance of what you do as a caregiver. You matter a lot!! I hope this encourages you to keep going, and be reminded that your role as a caregiver is SO needed and important.

Read on!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Charles Schultz's Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the questions and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America Contest.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers; they are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one.

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson: the people who make a difference in your life are not the oneswith the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.

"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today.
It's already tomorrow in Australia"

~ Charles Schultz

Happy Springtime! (Well--almost!)

Happy Springtime to all of you caregivers. You have broad shoulders and strong, caring hearts, and many of you are someone's angel.

Do something good for yourself today. Take a walk, go outside and enjoy some fresh air, listen to your favorite music, cook something different, call a friend. I took a little time this morning to curl up with that lap robe I mentioned a few days ago and finish reading my current mystery novel. It's warming up here but this morning was just a teensy bit chilly, so I started a crackling fire in the Franklin stove to help keep Mama and the cats and me warm. (Any excuse will do!) What is it about a fire that's so cheery?

I am sending you some bright Florida sunshine, and hope you have a special day.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

A great Alzheimers support site

Hey, Everyone,

I was reading and surfing this morning and came across a great Alzheimers site, http://www.KnowItAlz.com/. I love the name, and Kathy, the author, writes with humor and encouragement.

If you have some similar sites to share with us, please post about them here. Let's build this caregiver community together!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

What's your weather like?

Hey there,

I don't know how the weather is where you live, but we've had some warm, sunny springtime days here in Tallahassee. We've been getting out a little more and clearing away some of the frozen, dried flowers and planting some new ones. I just sprinkled some Preen in one section of the garden just now as it's supposed to rain tonight.

I love this time of year because it's not too hot to get outside, and in the parts of the world where it isn't too cold, either, it's just right for gardening or walking outdoors. Sunshine definitely helps my mood (but not too much hot weather--I like sunny days with mild temperatures!). Since Mama can still get outdoors with me, we enjoy going to Wal-Mart and picking up some daffodils and snapdragons. I've never tried growing snapdragons and I figured they'd wither when it got hot, but Mama says they grew in central Florida all year when she lived there. So we got a couple because they're so springy and perky, and I'll go out in a minute to plant them.

I hope you are having some weather, even temporarily, that you can enjoy. I know it's supposed to rain here tonight and turn very cold tomorrow, but for today...enjoy being outside!! It's good medicine for the body, mind, and soul.

I'd love for you to write to me and tell me what you enjoy growing in your gardens, or if there is another outdoor activity that encourages you!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Banana Blueberry muffins

Hey there!

I found a great recipe that I wanted to share with you. It is simple and delicious, and my mom really loves snacking on these muffins. I've found that having yummy, appealing, fresh snacks is a serious part of my nutrition plan for Mama. Most elderly folks don't eat much at one sitting, but seem to graze off and on all day. That's how Mama is, and I try to make the calories count by providing treats that not only appeal but pack a nutritional punch.

I also make a yummy cinnamon/walnut/raisin cookie recipe that Mama loves, which I'll share soon. It makes enough so that I can freeze a few dozen and Mama can thaw out a couple anytime she likes. They still taste moist and fresh. Our granddaughter loves them, too! It definitely beats what I can usually find in a box on the snack aisle!

Enjoy!

Blessings,
JoanCaregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Banana Blueberry muffins
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup white sugar
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (2 medium bananas)
1/2 cup ripe or frozen blueberries, rinsed and patted dry
1/4 cup reduced fat sour cream
1 egg
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup chopped walnuts

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Spray muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray.
2. Mix dry ingredients in a medium sized bowl. Add mashed bananas, blueberries, sour cream, egg, vanilla, and walnuts; stir until just combined. The mixture will seem very dry at first, but as you stir it will moisten nicely. Don't overmix.
3. Spoon into prepared muffin pan.
4. Bake for 18-20 minutes until done.

Makes about 12 muffins.

Healthy recipes for the elderly

I love to learn new things, and one thing I'm digging into more these days concerns healthy recipes for the elderly. Since I'm cooking for my mom I have a different set of health issues to take into consideration. I am learning to cook with an eye towards control against diabetes, lowering cholesterol (with that whole thing of lowering the bad and raising the good), appealing to a very fast metabolism that needs regular, small meals, and lots more.

I'd love to hear some of your recipes for good, healthy meals and snacks for an elderly person. I'm particularly looking for recipes with bananas and blueberries, and probably some oatmeal and walnuts, too. Mama loves those things and if I could make something like cookies or muffins, she could snack on some yummy, healthy goodies and not worry about it.

Got any ideas?

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Here's a great audio for Caregivers

Hey, Everybody,

I am listening to a great audio on caregiving and wanted to share it with you. It's on Midday Connection, which is a Moody Broadcast program. It begins, "How do you survive those difficult times in life when you find yourself caring for another in their own time of difficulty? Their depression, illness, their alcohol abuse, or perhaps a battle with Alzheimers has enveloped you as well, as you strive to support and help them through excrutiating times of healing or adjustment. Cecil Murphy joins us today on Midday Connection to talk with caregivers to encourage them in their unique but often strenuous roles..."

Here's the link.

http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/mdc-caregiving-jan-18-2008/5981305/

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

Encourage yourself with good scents

I was reading on a website for caregivers and someone mentioned that if they were changing a parent's dirty linens, they would light a candle to help change what they smelled. That immediately got my attention because I am really affected by scents.

Have you ever had one of those times when you feel blah or even bad, then you smell something good, or fresh and clean, and your mood lifts? I have!

I find that aromatherapy really changes my mood and helps give me a lift during the day. If the weather is dreary or I just feel blah, I light a great candle (or several, often in different rooms I'm working in or walking through) and it makes a real difference.

Another easy and inexpensive way to make the house smell wonderful is to make my own simmer pot on the stove. I use whatever herbs/spices I choose, and everyone who walks into the house notices it right away. They usually comment with a smile or ask, "What smells so good?"

I like that response! It's a simple way to positively affect others. It's a small encouragement in their day and mine.

My favorite simmer technique is a small pot of water with cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, and perhaps some orange or lemon peels, or a citrus-y teabag. It works wonders on my mood, especially during the fall and winter. And it smells as good as if I'm baking something yummy, but I save myself a few calories (and time!) by just creating the smell instead of the dessert. :-D

Try it! Then tell me how you use aromatherapy to brighten your day!

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com/

About Forgiveness

This came to my email box from http://www.sparkpeople.com/ and I wanted to share it with you. It's not written specifically to caregivers but I thought it was excellent for those of us who are.

Sometimes we end up being caregivers for someone we have old issues with, and that is very hard. If you're a child caring for a parent, what do you do if there are problem areas in your past relationship that remain? If the person you are caring for has enough disability, say from Alzheimers or dementia, you may never be able to resolve the problems because the person you care for isn't able to relate any more.

It's tough enough to be a caregiver. You don't need to wrestle with guilt or anger at old areas of pain or hurt.

I find that writing how I feel when I am angry or hurt really helps me focus on the issue and deal with the pain or frustration. My writing won't solve the problem, but somehow it helps me put it into perspective and move on.

Life is complicated enough, especially if you are a caregiver. If you are carrying hurt or pain, I hope this will help you.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

The Positive Cycle of Forgiveness

Okay, be honest. Do you hold grudges? Do you allow old drama to determine your behavior? Is there someone you just can't seem to forgive? Grudges and a non-forgiving attitude do nothing but harm both parties. You might feel like you're "winning" by not letting someone off the hook, but you're only increasing your own worry and stress. Bitterness can lead to hate, which can sour a life. Today, write a letter explaining your point of view to the person you feel resentful towards. Clear the air; forgiving him. Even if you don't send it, it is an excellent way to relieve tension. Forgiving someone does not absolve them of the wrong that you experienced. It can simply free you to live a life that isn't anchored to the hurt and resentment of past events.
~ from http://www.sparkpeople.com/, Healthy Reflections

A Caregiver's Bill of Rights

I read this in the Caregiver magazine a couple of years ago when my father was dying of chronic health problems. He also had age-related dementia, which had gotten progressively worse over his final few years. The last year was very tough. Mama and I were taking care of Daddy every day, and being full time caregivers was something very new and overwhelming to the two of us.

I thought I'd post this here in case you haven't seen it before. And if you'd like to know more about the Caregiver organization, click here: http://www.caregiver.com/. Besides the website, they publish a great magazine and actively advocate for caregivers.

I hope this is a help and a blessing to you.
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

A Caregiver’s Bill of Rights
by Jo Horne

I have the right:

To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capability of taking better care of my loved ones.

To seek help from others even though my loved ones may object. I recognize the limits of my own endurance and strength.

To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonably can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.

To get angry, be depressed, and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

To reject any attempts by my loved one (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt and/or depression.

To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness, and acceptance for what I do, from my loved ones, for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my loved one.

To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my loved one no longer needs my full-time help.

To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired persons in our country, similar strides will be made towards aiding and supporting caregivers.

Copyright Caregiver.com, Inc. 1995-2005

Being a Marine Mom

Along with being a caregiver for my mom, I'm also a mom and grandma. One of our children is a 20-year-old US Marine. He's deployed right now to Afghanistan and we listen for the phone every day in hopes that he has a moment to call and let us know how he's doing. We've attended two deployment events and one homecoming for our Marine. It is such a good feeling when my husband and I can travel up to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina and welcome him home, along with his battalion. There's nothing like seeing all those young faces, so resolute and determined to be strong and protect our country and freedom. It was a very special event for my husband and me.

It's a LOT harder to attend the deployment event so we can hug him and tell him "see you soon, hurry home and stay safe."

At all of these events, one of the things the Marine Moms especially enjoy is hugging every young Marine we can. At homecoming we are impatient as our Marines make their appearance (Finally! There he is!! Look how tall he's gotten!), stand in formation, then are dismissed and join the groups of family and friends who await them. Now the hugs really begin to fly!

Hugs are a specialty we moms can serve up any time, and they are warm, friendly, and welcoming. There's something so encouraging about a warm hug.

As caregivers, we can encourage others with our hugs each day. And we can be encouraged, too. If your loved one is able to hug you or be hugged, then share that gift each day. There's something about the connection of human touch that is so vital to our well being.

Here's something I read about hugs recently, and I wanted to share it with you. I hope you are encouraged, and I hope you get--and give!--a hug today.

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

What's So Great About Hugs?
There is no such thing as a bad hug,
only good ones and great ones.
They're not fattening and they don't cause cancer
or cavities.
They're all natural with no preservatives, artificial
ingredients, or pesticide residue.
They're cholesterol free, naturally sweet,
one hundred percent wholesome,
and they're a completely renewable, natural resource.
They don't require batteries, tune-ups, or x-rays.
They are non-taxable, fully returnable,
and energy efficient.
They're safe in all kinds of weather.
In fact, they're especially good for cold or rainy days
and they're exceptionally effective in treating
problems like bad dreams or the Monday Blahs.
Never wait until tomorrow to hug someone you could hug today!
~ Author Unknown

What about happiness?

I receive these great little encouragements and teachings in my inbox each morning. I signed up for a free membership at SparkPeople, which offers all kinds of health, exercise, and diet information. You can sign up for many different areas of interests and tailor your membership to your personal needs.

I'm always looking for good ways to change favorite recipes, simple exercises I can do without going to the gym, and encouragement. Give SparkPeople a try and encourage yourself, too.

Understanding happiness ~ Happiness is a state of mind, not a way of life or a destination that you'll reach one day. Bumps in the road of life are to be expected, and we cannot let them ruin our days. We often think that if a combination of factors would just fall into place THEN we would finally be happy. Satisfaction can only come from within, through truly accepting yourself, your life, and your circumstances. During this life you'll have many hard days--long work days, sleepless nights, worrying about the future, etc. This week, think about the joys of your life. Find creative ways to enjoy the little bumps in the road.

A great obstacle to happiness is expecting too much happiness. ~ Bernard de Fontanelle, French writer

To read more, click here: http://www.sparkpeople.com/

One of the things I am learning is to just enjoy each day, the parts of it that I can truly savor, and not to seek "happiness." Sometimes happiness is a cuppa hot java in the early morning before the day kicks into high gear. Sometimes, for me, it's a warm fire crackling in our Franklin stove, a lap robe, and some good music on the stereo.

What are the things you build into your day to create serenity and happiness? I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Blessings!

Joan

Caregiver at Home

www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you caregivers. You have broad shoulders and strong, caring hearts, and many of you are someone's angel.

Do something good for yourself today. Take a walk, go outside and enjoy some fresh air, listen to your favorite music, cook something different, call a friend. I took a little time this morning to curl up with a lap robe and finish reading my current mystery novel. It's wet and cool here and I have a fire crackling in the Franklin stove to help keep Mama and the cats (and Art and me!) warm. What is it about a fire that's so cheery?

I am sending you some bright Florida sunshine, and hope you have a special day.
Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Help! How do I make this transition?

Are you in the middle of deciding to be a caregiver for someone? Are you moving them in with you? Moving them nearer to your home, like across the street or into the same town? Will the person be in a professional facility that you will visit several times a week?

How are you doing? What are your thoughts? Does anything about this make you afraid or worried?Are you feeling a little overwhelmed?

If so, ask away. Just having someone to ask questions who has been down this road just ahead of you helps a whole lot.

It also helps to have someone just listen to how you're feeling.

I remember when my then-81-year-old mom broke her arm the first time, which was just over two years ago. That particular morning stands crystal clear in my memory. I realized that my life would never be the same. Mama needed help. My help. There were no other children, just me.

The day I knew would "eventually" come had arrived. It thundered over me, actually. It didn't arrive quietly. It took my breath away.

My husband and I had just become empty nesters a few months before that, and all of a sudden the nest was full again. This time it wouldn't be our teens, it would be an aging parent. I was suddenly smack-dab in the middle of a sandwich--the sandwich generation.

Like I said, it took my breath away.

How are you feeling? Talk to me.

Blessings,

Joan

Caregiver at Home

http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Unlikely Hands

I thought this was pretty awesome. It serves as a reminder to me that what I do matters.

“God can use unlikely hands to administer His care, provision, and love. Interestingly enough, two of those hands might reside at the end of your arms.” ~Fingerprints of God by Jennifer Rothschild

Blessings today,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://wwwCaregiverEncouragement.com

Self talk

Have you heard about self talk? I listened to an audio interview about it on the Internet recently, and I have a couple of good friends who have begun to pay attention to how they talk to themselves. They've realized that what they say to themselves needs to change!

Self talk is what we say to ourselves inside our own heads. It's nothing we say out loud (unless you talk to yourself aloud like I do sometimes), but we have a constant chatter going on in our minds. Some of what we say is fine--"Take out the trash," "I need to get gas for the car," or "I'm hungry. What will I do about supper?" Day to day stuff like that.

Some of what we say to ourselves is not fine. It's destructive, or at the very least discouraging. Things like "I can't believe I did that!" or "My hair looks awful," or "I just can't do this!"

Sometimes we even berate ourselves. Ever called yourself names for something you were unhappy you did (or thought, or said)?

What do you say to yourself? Do you say things to yourself that you would never say to someone else?

If you put yourself down on a regular basis, how in the world will you be able to accomplish the things you're here to accomplish? You are here for a purpose, so learn to encourage yourself every day. It will help you de-stress and focus on your purpose.

Whether or not you are caring for someone else, you need to care for yourself. Listen to your own self talk. When you begin to put yourself down, it's time to refocus. Imagine God talking to you, face to face, and think of the things that He would be glad about in your life. He would pour good words into your heart to encourage you, because He loves you so much.

Listen to Him. Remember you're a work in progress; you're not finished yet.

The audio interview I heard was with Jennifer Rothschild. If you'd like to read more and learn how to practice positive self talk, I recommend Jennifer's book, "Self Talk, Soul Talk: What to Say When You Talk to Yourself." You can read more about Jennifer here:
http://www.jenniferrothchild.com/index.html

Encourage yourself--by retraining your thoughts.

Blessings!
Joan
Caregiver at Home

Standing up for yourself

One of the toughest things about being a caregiver is that you can find yourself spread too thin. You care for mom, you care for dad, you care for your spouse (or you care for young children at home); and as you run out of hours in the day you begin to skip the caring-for-yourself part.You wonder when was the last time you sat down and ate a meal at a quiet, leisurely pace (while the food was hot, or at least mostly warm), or when you had your last haircut, or went to a movie, or had a cup of coffee out with a friend or your spouse.

If you care for someone in your home, even sitting down to read a book and relax can be interpreted by the one you care for as "available" time for them to interrupt.

All of us need some down time to think and regroup. Or just to NOT think; just to do nothing. For me, reading is an escape, and sometimes I desperately need that time to get away, at least in my mind. It's just for a little while, but it does wonders for my spirit.

And when I can't manage the time to read or relax, it wreaks havoc on that same spirit.

I was just reading Carol Bursack's article "Minding Our Elders and Living Through It: A Caregiver's Journey." Carol's words about taking care of the caregiver really spoke to me.

And sometimes you just have to practice standing up for yourself. Take some time off, draw a boundary, get away, do things just for yourself.

We're not being selfish. We're helping ourselves, which enables us to remain healthy and continue caring for those we love.

Here's Carol's article if you'd like to read more.
http://www.mindingourelders.com/htmls/stories/speechstories1.htm

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver at Home
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

A great resource

I learned of a site full of excellent resources for caregiving, and I want to share the treasure with you.

Carol Bradley Bursack, the author, has kindly given me permission to post about her site on my blog. She has written and gathered many articles for you to read and learn from, including moving your parents in, being a caregiver, Alzheimers and dementia, grief, caregiver communities, and much more.

Thank you, Carol! I can't wait to dig in!
http://www.MindingOurElders.com/htmls/speechstories.htm

I think we are stronger together as we listen to each others' stories and share our own. That's why I started this blog. We can comfort one another, reach out and support each other, and get real help online. You don't have to be alone in your caregiving. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

I hope that you are strengthened and encouraged by the information Carol has put together.

Blessings,
Joan
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Reach out and get involved!

When you are taking care of a loved one, sometimes the four walls seem mighty small and confining. You may not have time to call a friend to talk for a little while, or you may not have anyone to call who understands what you are experiencing.

If caregiving makes your days begin to feel "same old same old" and depression begins to poke its head into your affairs, then think about ways to combat and overcome!

You can still reach out to others who know what you're going through, without ever picking up the phone or leaving home. There are online communities on the Internet that can help you get through those dry or tough times; they can be either a hobby or a lifeline!

You can email an online friend, post how you feel into "Internet space" (which allows you to vent sometimes to people who understand but aren't going to be hurt by what you might say), or you can chat online.

A note about safety first. It is wise to join a community and get to know the people before you chat with someone. You always want to practice security in your Internet dealings.

You also want to be sure that the community is a good fit for your needs. You can get a feel for the group by reading others' posts. In fact, you may just read for a while before posting. And there's no rule saying you ever have to write or chat, so look for what is important for you.

Do you need to read and be encouraged, but you don't need to talk? Do you need to read and talk, so you can get some human connection? You can choose whatever community is best for you.

If you like to reach out by writing (like I do), look for a group where you can contribute, too. Your experience is valuable!

If you join a community and post or chat, you bring a lot to the table. Sometimes you may be the most experienced person in the group, in which case others can learn from your situation. Sometimes you may be the least experienced and have a lot of questions, which helps others reach out and share what they know. Then sometimes you will be somewhere in the middle--not least experienced nor most--and you can share and learn as you go.

Online communities are growing, and they are a win-win avenue for those of us who are at home all or most of the day. You don't have to leave home to have outside contact, and the communities are open 24 hours a day. Even if no one else is on when you get there, you can read what others have posted and encourage yourself.

It's wonderful, and sometimes it's the difference between an okay day ("Someone knows how I feel and they understand.") and a rough day ("I really need to talk to someone who understands, or who can help me get my mind off my day!").

I've been involved with online communities for several years. It started out as a new thing that was unfamiliar, and now it's old hat. I have a couple of groups that are a real blessing to me. Our son is a US Marine, currently deployed, and as mother of a Marine (MOM) I get a lot of support and information from the two family boards I am a member of.

Another group involves entrepreneurial education, and one involves writing. They help me think about non-health issues and give me a creative outlet for personal development. It's kind of like going to school online, and I look forward to learning from both of those groups.

So reach out and get involved! You can find all kinds of help, and even help grow yourself professionally while staying home.

Those same four walls don't have to confine you. Thankfully, we have these little boxes with wires that go OUTSIDE the walls! :-D

Blessings,
Joan
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Resources for Caregivers

One of the things I want to do here is share caregiver resources when I find them. The Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA) has many pages of useful information and fact sheets. You will be able to educate yourself or do research on this site: http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp
I especially like the tips section, the newsletter, the discussion groups that are available, and the personal stories section.

I just found this site myself, but there is a wealth of information there. I hope it helps you, too.

If you have other sites or resources that have been helpful to you already, would you share them with us? I would like to provide as many ideas here as we possibly can. Thank you!

Blessings!
Joan
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Life with Mom

So how in the world do you learn how to live with a parent? In this case, Mom lives with my husband, Art, and me. Mom and Art and me make three!

Attitude is key. The first thing to realize when you decide to bring a parent home is that adjusting is a slow process.

I think it's harder than learning to live with a spouse. It's completely different than having your own children, because you start from the beginning with babies. Bringing an adult into your home means adapting two independent households which are usually very different.

What were we thinking!!?? :-D

(That's that sense of humor I talked about earlier...you've GOT to have one! If you don't have one, then develop one fast!)

I never expected, nor necessarily wanted, to live with a parent--either mine or my husband's. It's not that I don't love all of our parents. I definitely DO. I have had a good relationship with them all. But living with a parent changes everything.

If I can do it, you can definitely do it. Just know it takes time and will be bumpy sometimes.

Personalities are key. My mom and I are very different personalities, though we are both encouragers. I definitely fell right under the tree as far as that trait goes, but I'm in another orchard altogether for most of my other traits. Which leads to a lot of tension and frustration some days.

I will say that things are settling down now, and it has been two years. We are *learning* to live together a little more each day. I can see a whole lot of improvement just in this last year. The bumps are becoming less frequent and not so large, and we joke and laugh more than we did the first year, so just know it can smooth out over time.

Location is key. Since we all moved from two houses in central FL to one larger house in north FL, it's a new place for all three of us. My mom has the room across from ours and the hall bathroom is hers. The "suite" idea helps a lot. Mom is close, but she has her own space. Since she's still quite independent in most areas, I'm available when she needs me but she is otherwise autonomous.

Mom's furniture is all mixed in with ours, so we have a really "eclectic" decorating scheme, as you can imagine! Since Mom is still quite independent, it was important for her things to still be part of her daily life. My husband and I had to give a lot of thought to creating balance for all of us, including what furniture to keep. We all ended up giving up things, but the result is a home we all enjoy now. It's neither "yours" nor "mine." It's definitely "ours." :-D

In our case, it helped that one person wasn't moving into the other's established home. If you have a different situation where your parent is more care dependent, that may not matter for you.

Wisdom and grace are key. As I mentioned earlier, my friend Marlene led the way for me 6 years ago when she moved her mom in to live with her family. Being able to watch someone else adapt and manage over the years was the springboard God used in my life to learn that I could do this. When the time came to make the decision, I had a working knowledge of what to expect. If it hadn't been demonstrated for me, I would have felt I couldn't do it.

I think mothers and adult daughters have complicated, often bumpy relationships to begin with, and putting us under the same roof all the time just brings out the tension once in a while.

We learn to adapt and compromise, though, in order to care for our parent. We do it because we love them and want to honor and care for them, and God has to give us daily (hourly, minute-by-minute!) grace for the job. Art's and my goal is that "Life with Mom" is a simple, daily joy.

If you are a caregiver for your parent, I'd love to hear how you do it. What's your story?

Blessings! Joan

http://www.caregiverencouragement.com/

Juggling your time

As a caregiver, you have to juggle your time and projects. I'd love to hear how you do it.

Also, how do you feed your own spirit in the midst of caring for someone else?

One close friend of mine, Marlene, cared for her mother for six years. Marlene brought her mom home to live with her when it became clear that help was needed. Her household included her husband and a teen still at home, plus adult children and grandchildren in and out, so it was busy! Marlene's mother eventually developed Alzheimers along with other health problems, and she has recently passed away at the age of 90. Marlene found that it helped her immensely if she sat up late in the evenings after the rest of the family went to bed. She could read, think, de-stress, watch a little television or listen to music--uninterrupted.

Being uninterrupted is the key. How do you handle that? Even if you are a part time caregiver, you have to switch in and out of caregiver mode.

Caregiving is full of interruptions. In fact, I tell people I'm developing ADD as I juggle my stuff, my husband's stuff, and my mom's stuff every day. Then add in the needs of grown children who are in and out of your life, and a new grandchild, and friends and outside responsibilities.

Wow! You definitely don't need to practice keeping your brain busy when you have all of that going on. You feel like your brain is in the "On" position ALL of the time!

So how do you shut it off? Or slow it down?

Today, another friend suggested putting on a set of headphones and grabbing a Walkman or iPod and talking a walk. We are in a great country setting, so getting outside would really be a stress reliever and I intend to incorporate that into my life. Plus putting the headphones on and listening to something I enjoy will help switch gears and quiet my racing mind.

This friend also suggested getting on a treadmill, and while I don't have one of those, I do have an exercise bike. I can turn on the tube and exercise while I think. It helps me juggle, because my mind works things out while I'm busy doing other things, like resting or driving or doing the dishes.

You can keep a notepad and pen or pencil handy, so that while you're grabbing some downtime you can jot down things you need to take care of. That helps your juggling, too.

If you wake up during the night to check on the person you care for, or just because your mind won't shut off, you can jot things down on a notepad next to your bed, too.

Those are things that work for me or I intend to start doing, but I'd love to hear what you do! Please share with us. Your ideas are an encouragement.

Blessings!
Joan
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Things you can do to encourage yourself

Welcome! I was thinking about how stressful each day can be when you take care of someone, whether it's an aging parent or even your young children.

Whether you are part of the sandwich generation--caring for elderly parents while your children are still at home or part of your daily life--there's just something about someone else depending on you for help each day.

Are you inside the same four walls most of the time? Do you drive somewhere every day to spend time taking care of a loved one, or visit them in some type of care facility? You can begin to feel burned out, overwhelmed, or alone.

Learn to build special moments into your routine.

What are some things you can do to encourage yourself each day?

~ Keep a good sense of humor! It helps tremendously!

~ Read something encouraging every day. I read online devotionals and feed my spirit with the blessings of knowing God is in control even if I can't see or feel Him. It quiets me while I do the next thing.

~ Do the next thing! Some days the elephant just seems too big to eat. If you feel like you'll never finish, just remember that you eat an elephant one bite at a time. Just do the next thing. It's just a bite, but you'll get results because you're moving forward. Small steps count!

~ Spend some time on a hobby. Don't have one? What do you really love to do? What's a passion of yours? Sewing? Knitting? Reading? Scrap booking? Working puzzles? Journaling? Talking on the phone to a close friend? Talking to a support group on the Internet? Just a few minutes each day can help refresh you!

~ Take a break to drink a hot cup of your favorite tea or coffee. Eat a piece of fruit or some toast along with it. Nourish yourself with food and with some quiet downtime.

~ Reach out to others who can encourage you. If you can't get out of the house, you may be able to find like-minded people in an Internet support group. Caring for someone requires venting sometimes. Or you may just need to know you're not alone!

~ If you can get out some, then think about what encourages you. Many people find that doing things for others helps their own problems feel smaller, or at least it gets the problems off their mind for a little while. Volunteering for some cause in your community is a great way to make friends and do something enjoyable outside your home. Even driving through a lovely section of your town can be soothing.

~ Exercise! Walk outside or on your treadmill, ride a stationary bike, do yoga (our daughter finds that yoga works great for her). You can choose the kind of class you'd feel most comfortable in, or you can practice yoga at home with music of your choice. The stretching and de-stressing techniques are excellent. Or you can jog, or belly dance, or whatever feels wonderful to your body. Just 15, 30, or 45 minutes a day will help your metabolism, which in turn helps your mood.

~ Eat good food! Add fresh foods and whole grain foods; go organic on some things if you would like to. If you eat a lot of sugar you can begin to feel sluggish (ask me how I know that!), but it's quickest to grab something sugary when you're in a hurry. If you can put a couple of yummy alternatives in the fridge for those quick snack breaks, you can slowly train yourself to grab one of those instead. Yogurt, fresh bananas or beautiful red strawberries, ripe blueberries, a bowl of good cereal, a fresh salad of your choice--all of these pack a nutritious punch that will help you get through your day in positive, good spirits.

~ Play music! Whatever kind of music lifts your spirits, play that for yourself. You can keep a radio or stereo on so that you can hear it in the background wherever you are. Many televisions now offer satellite music channels--find a favorite or try a new channel each day.

None of this has to take a long time, but it's important to plan things for yourself as part of your daily routine. Again, small things count!

Learn to de-stress and have some small periods of respite during your very busy, or even hectic, day. If some of these ideas won't work for you, then think about what would work to give you that boost--and DO it!

Taking regular or constant care of another person is a huge job. It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of energy. You can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself. It isn't selfish--it's wise!

Encourage yourself and commit to do good things for YOUR self, too! It will help brighten some of your days, and help you get through other days.

Remember that care giving is a marathon, not a sprint. Be good to yourself by building special moments into your day.

Blessings!
Joan
http://www.caregiverencouragement.com/

A little bit about me...

Hi! I'm Joan, and I created this blog as a place to encourage caregivers and get encouragement for myself, too.

I live in north Florida with my husband, and my 83-year-old mom lives with us. She's lived with us for about two years now and the time has really flown by. My dad passed away in September, 2005, and we think of him every day. I'm an only child, so I've always known that caregiving for either or both of my parents would be my responsibility "some day," but the day arrived sooner than I expected. I'm only 52, but as my parents were in their thirties when I was born, it just turned out this way.

So I'd like to talk about all kinds of things, including the transition (for us it was sudden!) from new empty-nester to caregiver; how to take care of myself while caring for Mama; how to keep a strong, good relationship going with my husband now that there are three of us at home; how to carve out time for myself and my own interests (I have a lot!); and much more.

If you are a caregiver for older family members or for young children, welcome! Come and be encouraged!
Blessings,
Joan
http://www.CaregiverEncouragement.com

Hello, Everyone!

I've been off the grid for a while with a lot of different family responsibilities, so I am beginning fresh and new and would like to continue with something that is very important to me. I believe that there are many, many caregivers who could use a little encouragement each day. I know I certainly do, and I'd like to be able to encourage you, too.

I'll be posting on a lot of different areas of being at home and helping take care of someone. Whether you're part of the Sandwich Generation and are caring for younger and older family members or friends, or you're about to begin or have just finished a caregiving chapter in your life, I hope that you can come here for a moment's respite and go away refreshed.

In the meantime, check in regularly and let me know how you're doing!

Blessings,
Joan
Caregiver At Home